I have been wanting to write this post for awhile now. Mostly cause I get to talk about these two people: my mom and my husband. Justin and I were very young when we got married. We got married a month after my 21st birthday and a week before he was about to turn 21 and a half. When we look back, we marvel at what little resistance we met from our parents especially since we were so young. Lord knows I will not be so silent if one of my kids, at 20, who has been dating some other kid for five months says they are going to marry them and marry them soon (six months later). I wouldn’t be mean or anything but just informative, probably just ask are you sure? and why so soon? All four of our parents were really pleasant (almost pleased) about everything and surprisingly very supportive.
One day though, I thought the other shoe had finally dropped. I don’t remember what I was doing. I only recall I was in my mother’s room talking to her while she was in her closet. She somehow got around to asking me if I loved Justin and when I said yes, she said, “No you don’t.” I thought, this is it, here it comes, and I braced myself. Then she said something that has stayed with me ever since, probably the most profound and most important thing she has ever said to me. She continued, “what you feel for him now is nothing compared to how much you WILL love him.”
First off, it was nice to know that she felt confident we had some sort of future. Second, at the time, I couldn’t even imagine at all how right she was. Our shared history, memories, and experiences as well as our shared future with our kids brings so much depth and focus to this man and our marriage that when I try to think about it, I just cry. Our life that we have have built together, beginning in my room at my mom’s house, to our little studio with no furniture and only a mattress in the “bedroom”, moving up north for a few years and then moving back home to make our home and all of life that happens in between, it is just crazy. I would say that I couldn’t be happier but that is not entirely true. My mom isn’t here anymore, to teach me anymore. What else would I have learned?
We all have our things to deal with. At least she knew I was going to be fine. We had been married almost 8 years when she passed and we had our first child and were trying to save for our first home. She knew all of this. She knew not only that I loved Justin more than when we married but that it was true for him too and that I would be okay, that I would be loved.
I love you Justin, SO much more than the day we were married and I am sure more tomorrow (unless you really piss me off).
I also made him his own entire batch of chocolate chip cookies just for the occasion, Joy the Baker‘s Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies, seriously people if you don’t have that book by now…